My Recovery

My wounds still raw and aching

this body, my heart forsaking

The mirror showing flaws

bringing out it's claws

Tearing away my confidence, scratching the first layer

repeating to myself, everyday, one single prayer

Destroying what was once unbreakable

will repair itself, I'll be unshakable

My painful past will not dictate how I'll emerge

the two lines, this path will diverge

It has to get better, even by sheer will

my joy, my happiness this shan't kill

Though, this is easier said than done

silently struggling with the feelings this has spun

A horrendous self loathing this has brought

this internal battle I've tried, I've fought

My recovery

like rediscovery

Takes time to heal, to mend

my heart won't let me pretend

My mind won't let me forget

without leaving, with me, a threat

That I'll lose myself and finally grow cold

so I'm resigned to letting the memories haunt me, I fold

All of them, not just those..pained

remembering the joy and love leaves me drained

Losing the possibility along with a friend

wishing it wasn't, but this may be the end

With it, half my life is being erased

the timing made me look at myself with distaste

To look at yourself with disgust

almost impossible to change, to adjust

Most don't try, they just bury it

but I've always promised I'll never quit

Eventually, I'll get myself back

knowing there's truly nothing I lack

Convincing myself I did nothing wrong

and that I've found where I belong

A life with my own place

that I can heal at my pace

I don't know how long it will take

being in a good place before this heartbreak

Climbed to the top and now I've fallen this far

wracked with pain, this will probably scar

No longer bleeding, just bandaged and worn

for this friendship and where I was, I'll mourn

The nightmares still scare

in my subconscious, a tear

A shred of evidence to remind that you exist

trying to move on, making it easier to resist

Resist going back to let myself wonder about you

that's why it has to be done, it has to be through

Letting you go will keep me sane

so I don't have to hide from the pain

I'll be able to recover

from a lost, almost, lover

This growth is a must

myself, I wish I could trust

Though I held onto you too hard for too long

relying on you, instead of myself; now I have to be strong

Learning to stand alone

while I atone

For putting you atop a pedestal, a throne

holding you in such high regard, you could have flown

Underestimating myself and what I could defeat

you and what I've overcome couldn't compete

My recovery will be strong and secure

once I get there, this much I can assure

Never invincible but this will not be something you can break

you'll never have that power; my eyes open, finally, I'm awake