I am More than my Anxiety

Sitting here, destroying another nail

afraid of how  I might fail

At everything, I set my mind to

all my life, I knew it to be true

Looking back on a life full of mistakes

I remember feeling myself break

Sweaty palms, fingers digging into the grass

fragile, at any moment I could break, like glass

Shaking, I can't stay still

sweating, yet, I feel a chill

My heart is pounding in my ears

the tears in my eyes will clear

Eventually, the panic will go away

and I'll live to die another day

I pull up my knees and sit against the wall

music blaring in my ears, shutting out the world, I let myself fall

Closing my eyes, I melt into the beat

to calm me down, nothing else could compete

Music has always been there

has always been essential like air

Saved my life, kept me sane

kept bad thoughts from my brain

Protected me from myself, from what I might do

and helps me heal from everything I've been through

A spiritual connection, a bond

that music, itself, spawned

Going to a concert, like a religious experience, put me in awe

how it connects us all left me feeling vulnerable and raw

Opening me up to a new world, a new place

somewhere that would welcome me with an embrace

Maybe they could protect me from my demons

just maybe guard me in my dreams

Protect me from what I might do

when it's worse than just feeling blue

You've all kept me here

unaware but you saved me

The melody, the beat, the vibe

yo, trust me, the feeling is hard to describe

The faster the beat, the calmer I feel

listening to my favorites is how I deal

With everything going on

sometimes, I feel withdrawn

But music brings me back

and gets me on track

When I just need to cry

to let go and say goodbye

To everything that doesn't serve me well

I promise, on the past, I won't dwell

I'll keep climbing

up and up, I go

When I need to rage

you help me break my cage

Build me up

when I'm torn down

Give me strength to live

when I have nothing left to give

Scream out my pain

help me break my chains

So you see, I was a life they all saved

and yeah, sometimes I still have thoughts, depraved

But now my life is just a search for peace

and all toxicity from my life is being released

Until I'm to a place where I no longer have to wonder

who's in my life for better or worse, I've been left to ponder

Now, I'll put all negativity aside

I'll wish you well with sincerity in my eyes

I know I'm not a saint

but in my life I've shown restraint

At times, I could have been ruthless

but decided to show compassion, violence is useless

This world won't break me

I've made myself safe

Nothing could truly destroy me anymore

I'll always remember who I am at my core

And to remind those going through something tough

that they have and will always be Enough...